Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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