Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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