i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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