i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
