I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
