i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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