so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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