we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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