i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
