I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
