You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
