I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
