it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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