yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
