doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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