you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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