guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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