she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
