I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
