my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
