He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
