even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
