You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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