My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
