New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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