and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry about my life...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
