She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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