I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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