I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
