Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
