I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
