suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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