I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
