You just made me feel so damn special
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
