he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
