Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
