hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
