Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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