Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
