I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize