he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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