so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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