Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
