Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
