I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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