I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
