Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
