I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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