OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
