Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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