the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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