In the future we'll all be gay
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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