Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize