shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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