Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
