guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
