I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
