Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
