Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
