I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
