i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
