Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
