we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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