I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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