i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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